Horse Ad Jargon - Local Translations!

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Horse Ad Jargon - Local Translations!

Postby SurvivalTheory » Sat Jun 22, 2013 6:10 am

Ok, so joke of sorts on the precise wording you often find in horse ad's.

South West France:

Reformed Trotter: Yeah, if you do it yourself.
Thoroughbred, not hot-headed: No, he's as calm as anything, so long as you don't sit on him!
Eventing prospect: I can't keep him in.
SJ prospect: Completely mental.
Dressage prospect: Can't jump for medical reasons.
Perfect for amateur wanting to just have fun: This horse is so nuts you need qualifications to come within three meters of it.
Brilliant club horse for teaching: Four hours exercise a day or he'll murder you.
Forwards going: Chronic Bolter Syndrome
Good against the clock: No brakes.
Steady ride: No accelerator.
Pleasure horse: No brain.
Beautiful Baroque type: This mutt caught my eye in the abattoir van.
Local bred superstar jumper: unpapered lovechild of a KWPN and a gypsy cob.
To break in: He needs re-breaking professionally after I tried and failed with some baler twine and a western saddle.
On the bit: No feeling in his mouth.
Light in the mouth: Stargazer.
Dressage frame: overbent and rigid.
Priced without tax: I'm a dealer but I don't want you to know that until you're in love with the horse.
Semi-loan: I want you to pay me for the privilege of training my horse for me.
Free to good home: Please take this monster off my hands!

Just for fun, no offense meant.
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Re: Horse Ad Jargon - Local Translations!

Postby farlight » Sat Jun 22, 2013 8:15 am

Ohh I loved those!!
We have some in Aus,
Bomb-proof: Lame in all four legs, deaf and blind.
Never shies: Blind.
All Offers Considered: I am in Traction for 6 months
To Loving Home Only: Expensive
To Show Home Only: Very Expensive
Needs Experienced Rider: Potentially Lethal
Elegant: Thin
Started: we quit while we were still alive
Protective Mother: don't even think about going near the foal
Lady's Horse: Perfectly sweet with women, but will kill men
Lots of Potential: Under the right circumstances, you might be able to ride him
Great Bloodlines: He can't do anything, but that's okay because some horse 20 generations back did something
Already Broke: two fences, one arm, six buckets
Got Cow Sense: he'll attack any cattle within a 5-mile radius
Unregistered: probably stolen
Clips, floats, and Loads: Clippity, clippity is the sound his hooves make when he hauls a$$ across the parking lot when you try to load him
Recently Vetted: someone else found something badly wrong with the horse
Big Boned: good thing horse has mane & tail or he would be mistaken for a cow
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Re: Horse Ad Jargon - Local Translations!

Postby Ten Birch Farms » Sat Jun 22, 2013 10:55 am

Auction Pull - and was there in the first place because he was a basket case
Talented will jump anything - including the pasture fence
Respects fence - escape artist
Always in the ribbons - shown once. 6th out of 6
Great 4H project - will kill your child
Trailers well - after he's been drugged
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Re: Horse Ad Jargon - Local Translations!

Postby Merpsicle » Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:38 pm

Lol love these! Some from Ireland;

Good Jumper- jumps 5 ft over the field fence
Reliable- to plod along for the rest of his days
Sweet- too lazy to buck
Needs experienced rider- we don't want to be sued
Great for showing- when he's clean, he's cute
Breeder- maybe his foals won't murder you on their back?
shoes- when she's in a good mood she'll only kick the farrier once
Loads- when bribed with bucket of feed and hay net
Honest- more than I am
Elderly, but still has alot of spunk- enough to eat and breathe
Young but with great potential- don't have money to raise, great potential for a schoolhorse
Part cob- obese
Draft/Heavy horse- from the Tinker's yard
Last edited by Merpsicle on Sat Feb 15, 2014 3:49 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Horse Ad Jargon - Local Translations!

Postby Hope Springs Stables » Sun Dec 15, 2013 7:31 am

Lol Merp!

That's totally true!
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Re: Horse Ad Jargon - Local Translations!

Postby Merpsicle » Tue Dec 17, 2013 1:45 pm

YEAYEAYEA wrote:Lol Merp!

That's totally true!

i forgot about this, i reread and wow i am terrible :lol:
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Re: Horse Ad Jargon - Local Translations!

Postby Wonderland » Fri Feb 14, 2014 7:14 pm

A few from the US:
Hot: Completely crazy, will attempt to kill any and everything if he even hears you breathe.
Bombproof: He's practically a robot
Needs an Experienced Rider: I was way too lazy to actually train him right, so uhhhh yeah, good luck!
Just Needs a Good Home: I need to be free of this demon spawn. Take him please. He sees dead people
Perfect for young children: Too fat and lazy to carry even an average sized adult
Started Under Saddle: for three seconds before he went crazy, threw the saddle and threw a twenty minute fit, breaking three fences, two buckets and tipping over the water trough in a display of rage
Easygoing: Boring
Fun: Mental
Great Trail Horse: Hates ring work, will murder you if you even try to get him to set foot in the ring. (He also goes 1,000,000 miles per hour down trails..)
Friendly: to only a certain few people. If he doesn't like you you better run.
Sweet:toothed. Will eat you out of house and home, and then attempt to eat you.
Great 4H pony: little kids can ride him, but if they try to use him for any sort of fair display or basically do anything but plod along in a ring; he will kill you.
Needs a gentle rider: So old and fragile a butterfly could shatter his bones.
Off-the-track Thoroughbred, completely retrained and safe!: LIES!!! I bought him cheap because he failed at racing and I need some quick money. He is bat**** crazy.

We should treasure every moment with the ones we love, and they will do the same. And if they happen not to return your affections, you are far better off without them, as they dont realize what they're missing until it's too late.

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Re: Horse Ad Jargon - Local Translations!

Postby Purple pegasus farm » Sun Jan 22, 2017 7:28 pm


Breeding,Showing, and Training Leaderboard horses since year 71!
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Re: Horse Ad Jargon - Local Translations!

Postby Crimson Rose » Wed Jan 25, 2017 10:10 am

ROFL! These are so true!
*President of The Thoroughbred Breeders Society*
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Re: Horse Ad Jargon - Local Translations!

Postby Pyramid Equestrian » Wed Jan 25, 2017 2:20 pm

These are great!
Here are a few more from the US
Respects Aids - Barely touch face, and it does a sliding stop. Or squeeze with your legs and your galloping
Super pretty, eye catching - It sucks at everything else, and I have nothing else nice to say about it
Amazing canter - all it does is canter around, so you better like it
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